Perdition of Adam
by PyroTheWereCat
Summary: Sequel to The Only Word told by Alexis. "I look at his face every day knowing it isn't him. I cry myself to sleep knowing my friend is gone. The man I have to care for isn't Adam Faulkner anymore..." Hints of AxL slash. Part 2 of Savagery of Man trilogy.
1. The Child Inside

_A/N: Welome back, everyone! Here is the anticipated sequel to The Only Word! I love your reviews and encouragements! Fun fact: The Only Word was meant as a one shot. Crazy, right? But anyway, here is the SHORT first chapter of Perdition of Adam. Enjoy._

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My patient stares at me, his dark eyebrows knitting together in concentration.

"Do you have any tens?" he asks.

"Go Fish," I tell him. He tosses down his cards in frustration.

"That's it, I've had it," he says, "Can we play something else now, Alexis? This game is boooooring." He giggles a little at his own voice and I bite my lip to suppress the emotion. Two weeks ago this person was a writhing, screaming animal constantly being hit up with tranquilizers and a week before that he was Adam Faulkner, recovering survivor of a Jigsaw trap. I know what drove him over the edge and it was not paranoia like the doctors have written in his records. Jigsaw had come back for him, just like he had been trying to tell them. Jigsaw had come back to kill him or worse, put him into another trap. With the help of Dr. Lawrence Gordon, another victim of Jigsaw's, I was able to protect Adam from a second abduction. But neither of us could have prevented the subsequent breakdown that reduced him to this. That last encounter with pure panic destroyed his sanity and his memories. The person I am caring for today does not remember his life before the hospital, his experience in the bathroom, and worst of all he does not remember his dearest friend Lawrence. His personality changed too. Now he is exciteable, optimistic, and very childlike. He doesn't know why he is afraid of bathrooms or metal but he trusts what I tell him.

"Something terrible happened to you a long time ago. That's why you're afraid and why you can't remember anything."

"Is that where I got the scar on my shoulder?"

"Yes."

"Why can't I remember, Alexis?"

"Sometimes when something really bad happens you make yourself forget so you don't have to be afraid anymore."

"Was I scared all the time?"

"Yes. And then you got so scared you made yourself forget everything."

"Sometimes I have scary dreams about saws. Is this from a saw?" He would point to his shoulder at that point.

"No. But there were saws when the bad thing happened." I always try to make things vague for two reasons: so I don't scare him and in case he remembers something on his own. He's so fragile in this state. I couldn't bear to see him break again. I know at least half of this outcome was my fault...I should have believed him in the first place. I guess the reality was...I didn't _want_ to believe him. I wanted to think he was just suffering hallucinations, that the fear wasn't real. Lawrence was right to be angry with me. But he can't be that upset that he can't come around to try to bring back some of Adam's memories, right? I don't know, right now I don't know anything. I just need to babysit the toddler who has taken up residence in Adam's body.

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He's rather unstable, this child doppelganger of Adam's. I have to be careful not to let him out of my sight for more than a half a second to make sure he doesn't hurt himself or panic and hurt someone else. It's only been a month and a half since they transferred him to the fourth floor but the terminal feeling has already set in pretty heavily. I doubt he'll ever come back. Before you tell me not to lose hope listen to this.

Two days ago, someone finally contacted Adam's mother. She came almost right away, arriving yesterday. Seeing her terrified face rushing into the ward was what deepened the crack in my heart and the confused "Who are you?" from Adam was what broke it completely. Mrs. Stanheight is a very kind person but it seems she too is feeling guilt and remorse for her son's condition. She mentioned how she doesn't get to see him much and this is better than if he died so she's content for the time being and blah blah blah. Seeing the two of them interact is like watching a person desperately trying to teach a hamster how to speak. Mrs. Stanheight is always dropping hints, leaving little clues to see if Adam remembers anything but he always looks back at her with that ignorant innocence you can't even find in movies anymore. She leaves for the night and it's a good thing too. One thing that never left from the first day Adam entered the hospital: nightmares. He's been getting less and less sleep as the nightmares progress. I'm so afraid he might remember something too detailed and break again. And all the while I wonder...Where the hell is Lawrence?


	2. Inner Struggle

I can't do this. It's been almost two months since that night but I still can't bring myself to see him. I'm back working in the hospital but I haven't set foot on the fourth floor once. I know it sounds ridiculous but I don't want to see him. Not like this anyway. I've heard he's stabilized since the last time I saw him but I know he's not the same anymore. I'm afraid of who he is now. I want to keep my memories of who he used to be. It may sound selfish but I cared a little too much for Adam back then, the Adam I knew before the breakdown. If I were to see him now, a different person, I don't know how I would react...how I would feel about him...No, I can't keep doing this.

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I stand in the elevator alone, staring at the button panel. It's late, after my shift, and I'm heavily considering pressing the smooth black on white number 4.

_Just go to see him._

_I can't._

_Just this once. See how he's doing._

_But if I'm right...it'll only hurt both of us more._

I lightly touch the number 4 before running my fingers down to the LOBBY button and pressing it half-heartedly. _There I go again._ It's been like this for a few weeks. Consider going, fight with myself, end up not going. I need to stop this but...

_I can't._

It's an ongoing battle of strength in myself and I'm losing. There's a part of me that desperately wants to see him...hold him tightly and make all his pain disappear...I know this is impossible but that's all I really want. Alison of all people was the one who made me realize how much I really cared about him. I can't ever admit it though, nor can I deny it. It's not natural. But then again, nothing Adam and I have experienced together is natural. We were forced to make our own definition of the word and try to live beyond what we knew. And with all this talk about him...

_God, how I miss him..._

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_A/N: Hey, guys. Back again with a mini chapter in Lawrence's POV. I couldn't think of much else so I just made a quick angst. Man, this sequel is hard to write! But I am doing my best for you lovely readers who have put up with me since the beginning of TOW. You were wondering where ole Larrykins was so yeah...XD. I promise the rest of the story won't be as boring as this. Love from Pyro~!_


	3. Breakthrough

It's late. I've just gotten Adam to sleep after convincing him the monsters from last night's dream wouldn't come and eat him. This is the most difficult situation I've ever had to deal with...it's like raising a child but worse because he isn't one. I spent the entire day chasing him in the courtyard, terrified that he might get hurt, but even after wearing himself out he was laughing and telling me I need to smile more. All I could think of when he said that was,

_How can I smile when you aren't there?_

I know that sounds needy and pining but that's how I feel. I've never had many friends in my life because I've always been studying and practicing in the medical field. And since I wasn't paying attention to my social life I ended up with a pretty shitty circle of friends. They kept me from achieving my goal in the time I wanted and now that I've realized this and committed myself entirely to Adam's case they've left me. So the only true friend I had was my patient...until he became this child, this _stranger_...

A single tear falls from thinking about this and though no one is around I quickly wipe it away. Adam is still sleeping soundly...good. I don't like being in a public ward, especially with his night terrors. My superiors are paying me extra to stay at the hospital full time until they decide what to do with him, mainly to keep him calm after the nightmares. I don't really mind. I just wish he was himself. And as if thinking about it jinxed, Adam begins twitching and groaning in his sleep. I am unsure if I should wake him myself; sometimes his reaction is worse if I do. While I am debating this, he gasps and opens his eyes. He's already sweating and out of breath, even though the dream didn't take long.

"Adam," I say to him, touching his arm and making him jump and look at me, "Adam, what was it this time? Are you okay?" He furrows his brow, as if confused by my question. My other hand has moved to his sightly damp black hair, smoothing it back from his forehead. _My god, he's shaking._ It must have been a bad one.

"Tell me what happened," I encourage him gently, feeling ridiculously like a mother at this point.

"I-I was in the scary place again," he begins, his dark eyes far away, "The bad man was there...he was going to get me..." He closed his eyes tightly as he remembered. But suddenly he relaxed. "There was another man there this time. He protected me from the bad man." I stiffened. _Does he remember Lawrence?_

"What did this man look like, Adam?" I asked. Adam shook his head.

"I couldn't see him too good. He was big...like the bad man...and he had...blond hair..." I let my breath out slightly. He doesn't remember him perfectly but at least the memories are still there. This is good.

"Do you know him, Alexis?" I snap back to reality at the question.

"Know who?"

"The blond man." Oh shit. What do I say?

"Go back to sleep now, Adam. You're tired." He knows from this he shouldn't ask any more questions and curls up on his side to go to sleep again. _Crisis averted._ Now what?

.

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I've reached my breaking point. I'm seeing him everywhere...not just in the hospital but at home too. I'm hallucinating his image around every bend, in every dark corner, leaning on every doorway. Sometimes he's terrified, looking like a lost child. Others he's back to his defiant, sarcastic little bastard self, eying me with a certain standoffishness I had only seen a façade of back in the bathroom. God, that was so long ago. It's not only the hallucinations either. The dreams are getting worse. I feel like I'm in fucking 'Nightmare on Elm Street' or something. I don't want to sleep anymore. Alison has given up on trying to help me.

_"You're so easy to read, you know that, Larry? You're obsessed! Even Diana's starting to notice it!"_

I'm so sick of hearing her yelling at me. I just want to go back to those nights in the hospital with him...Sure there were only two but they were the best two nights I've had in a long time. Just lying there, holding one another...nothing else mattered. It was our perfect, fucked up world.

So here I am yet again, alone in the elevator, staring at the number 4 on the panel. I've gone on like this for too long. I need to make a decision. Today.

.

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I am still a little shaken from last night's progress. It seems with the little bits of information I have been giving him, Adam is remembering more about what happened to him. Though...I have never once mentioned anything about Lawrence. I don't know whether this breakthrough is really good or really bad. There is no middle ground anymore. I'll have to watch him even more closely than before.

I've given Adam an easy 24 piece puzzle to work on tonight. The reasons being A: it'll keep him busy and out of trouble, and B: so I can get my mind together for a few minutes and not have to worry about him. He's lying on his stomach, humming tunelessly as he tries to fit the wrong pieces into the spaces on the board. I'm sitting in my usual chair, reading a cheap romance novel I picked up last weekend. I've gotten about a third of the way into it, trying not to groan out loud at how cheesy it is, when Adam's cheerful humming has stopped short. I look up, instantly worried.

"Adam?" I caution, "Are you okay?" He's staring past me, towards the door to the ward. He has a surprised and slightly frightened expression on his thin face. "What is it?" I turn around to see what he's looking at...and drop my book to the floor in shock. Lawrence is standing near the door, staring back hesitantly. Adam sits up, never breaking his gaze from his forgotten friend.

"It's you," he whispers. Lawrence, deathly pale with worry, makes his way over to us, the right-sided limp causing me to wince. When he reaches us he smiles, rather half-heartedly, I must admit.

"Hi, Adam," he says. I can't breathe in this tension. I can't tell if Adam remembers him or not.

"You're..." my patient begins, his dark eyebrows scrunching together, "...that guy from my dream." A look of hopelessness passes over Lawrence's face and I don't blame him. But he's smart and uses the situation to his advantage.

"Really?" he says with forced interest, "You're going to have to tell me about it now." Adam gets indignant.

"Why should I? I'm not sposed to talk to strangers anyway!" He folds his arms tightly and glares at Lawrence who laughs.

"You brought it up," he tells him, "Come on, I want to know if I was the good guy or the bad guy." I have got to admit I'm relieved. It's incredibly lucky Lawrence has a kid with a similar maturity level as Adam currently has. He knows how to deal with it. Adam glances at me. I nod.

"You can talk to him, Adam," I encourage, "He's okay."

"Weeeell...I have scary dreams a lots and there's this bad man who's always trying to get me. You were in the last one and made the bad man go away." I think Lawrence's smile is genuine now.

"So I was the good guy? That's a relief."

"Hey, how do you know my name, anyways, mister?" That seemed to catch him off guard.

"Umm, well, uh..."

"I told it to him," I interrupt, making both men turn to me, "Lawrence here is a doctor. He works a few floors below this one, Adam." Adam's dark eyes get wide with interest.

"Really? So you get to see sick people and stuff all the time?" Lawrence nods, casting me a grateful glance.

"Yes, actually, I do."

"All the people here are just crazy. And old. I dunno what the grownups are thinking putting a normal kid like me in here." I get up from my chair and scoop up my book.

"I'll leave you two alone for a bit," I say, "I'm sure you'll have lots to talk about." Lawrence takes my seat and waves a hand at me.

"Go on home, Alexis. I promise not to let him out of my sight."

"Good 'cause I'd get in trouble if you did." And with that I leave for the night, glad that their friendship has been rekindled, even though Adam still doesn't remember who Lawrence is.

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_A/N: Sorry for the break and the rushed chapter. Things have been getting a little crazy in the real world. I got sudden inspiration tonight from playing this weird Shutter Island PC game I bought at Wal-Mart this afternoon. Lawl. Also from reading the book 'Hater' by David Moody. Excellent so far; I recommend it. So yeah, Lawrence is back and I've kicked Alexis out of the picture for the time being. She is HARD to write for even though she's my OC. I prefer being in the POV of the sarcastic badass that Adam is. It's more fun. Anyway. Reviews are love!_


	4. I Want to Know

Adam and I spent what must have been hours talking. He was surprisingly easy to talk to now that he was in this...predicament. I mean, it wasn't like our conversations weren't _cohesive_ before the breakdown. I guess what I'm saying is that the topics aren't so heavy anymore and there is more laughing done. Then and now there is never a dull moment with him.

"So what kind of people do you see every day?" Adam asks, his dark eyes bright with interest.

"What do you mean?"

"You said you see sick people all the time. What kinds of sick are they?" For a moment I wonder if in this state he understands cancer and death. So I take the easy way out.

"The kinds who won't be around for much longer," I whisper, breaking my gaze from him. I know I'm a coward. I'm just so afraid of hurting more than he already has been. There is a long pause and I think I may have just done what I tried to avoid.

"So your patients all die?" Adam asks with innocent disbelief.

"A good amount of them, yes."

"But..." He grabs handfuls of the sheets, his brow furrowing in confusion. "You're a doctor. You're the _good guy_. Why can't you save them?" I wince at his total confidence in me.

"I do what I can. It's very difficult." He still looks shocked and sad. I sigh and gently touch his hand to get his attention.

"Hey, even the good guys lose a fight sometimes," I tell him, "That just means you've got to work harder and come back stronger than before."

"I...I guess so..." He holds my hand tightly. I am caught off-guard by what he says next.

"I've got a funny feeling about you, Dr. Lawrence."

"What do you mean?" He shrugs one shoulder noncommittally.

"I dunno. I feel like I knew you before I forgot everything but I know I only met you today." _It's coming back to him! _Adam grimaces. "You're a lot nicer than that lady who comes here sometimes."

"What lady?" He shrugs again.

"She asks me lots of questions and says stuff that I don't know. It's like she expects me to say something back but I don't know what she wants me to say. And she cries a lot. It's really weird." I feel my stomach drop. He's talking about his mother. I only know this because I saw her the first day she came.

.

_"I'm here to see my son. Adam Stanheight."_

_"I'm sorry, ma'am. There's no one here with that name."_

_"Oh, I keep forgetting he goes by his old name. Faulkner."_

_I froze mid-limp in the lobby, turning to see the mother of my incapacitated friend. She was short and stocky with wild black hair that not even the various barrettes she wore could control. Her facial features were wide and angled sharply. And the abrupt attitude...Adam was definitely this woman's son. She even shouldered past me on her way to the elevator, muttering something about hospital dumbasses. I couldn't help but smile a bit. It was like I had a little piece of my friend back, if only for a moment._

.

"She's just worried about you," I tell Adam, "We all are."

"Is it 'cause I can't remember stuff?" I nod.

"Exactly. You see, Adam, most patients in the hospital have sick bodies. But your brain is sick so that's why you're here. Do you understand?" He looks a little confused but responds,

"I think so. The doctors think I'm crazy."

"Why do you think that?"

"They put me in here with all the old, crazy people. I'm not stupid. I can figure things out on my own."

"So you know that they have sick brains too. Just not in the same way that you do." Adam nods. He rubs at his arm.

"They scare me sometimes," he whispers, "They say weird things and yell a lot. Why would the doctors put me with them if they're so different?" I squeeze his hand reassuringly.

"The doctors don't understand that you're different. They don't know who you are or what happened to you." Adam suddenly looks up and stares at me with that old intensity I knew before the incident.

"That's the thing, Dr. Lawrence. I don't know those things either. When I woke up I had to have Alexis tell me my _name_. I try not to make her worry but I hate not knowing anything. I think...the only way for me to remember everything...is if I remembered the Bad Thing. Will you tell me?" I blink, surprised. There's still the old strength and defiance in him. But even so I can't bring myself to harm him. I laugh nervously.

"What makes you think I know?" I ask.

"I saw you in my dream. And you knew my name. You know what happened to me, Dr. Lawrence. I know you do. Please tell me."_ I can't...You're too important to me. _But then I think, _How would I explain it to Diana? _I let out a long sigh.

"You know the bad man from your dreams?" Adam nods with excitement. "A long time ago he really did try to hurt you. He tried and tried until you got so scared you made yourself forget."

"Why?" I shake my head, unsure of the answer myself.

"Some people are just bad. They hurt good people because they want to. He hurt me too." His eyes grow wide.

"Is that why you walk funny?" I can't help but smile, however sad that smile is.

"Yes. But I'm not upset about it." Adam tilts his head to one side, confused.

"Why?" My smile is no longer sad as I reach up to hold his chin.

"Because I got to help you." _God, his expression is cute. If only he made that face when he was himself._ It's that kind of wide-eyed innocence that first attracted me to Alison...before I realized her snappish side was the more dominant one. That's not the case with Adam though. He may act tough and bitter when he is himself but this is the him underneath it all...the Adam only I know.

I let out a chuckle and lower my hand. _He's so innocent right now...He doesn't even know what I'm telling him. _Adam tries to work it out in his head, his features twisting into the cutest bewilderment I have ever seen. _Don't hurt yourself_, I think with amusement. After a few moments he appears to have given up. He stifles and enormous yawn and I just now notice how tired he looks. I check my watch, realizing what time it is.

"Wow, it's late," I comment, "You should get to bed."

"I'm not tired!" Adam protests, "I can stay up!"

"You're nodding off as it is. I'll let you get some sleep." A flicker of terror appears in his brown eyes. He grabs onto my arm with both hands.

"Don't leave!" he says and I am reminded of our brief moment of intimacy in the bathroom, temporarily paralyzing me. "If I...if I have bad dreams..." He blushes and I melt. I smile at him and gently pry his hands off of me.

"Alright, I'll stay," I tell him, "But you have to _sleep_. No more talking." He nods fervently and hurriedly lies down. _Looks like I'm in for the night_, I think, _Ali won't be too happy about that._ But what do I care right now? I'm with Adam again for the first time in far too long. Though it isn't fully him I don't feel any different about him. One of my worst fears has been averted.

"Hey, Dr. Lawrence?" Adam asks, sleep slurring his words.

"Yes, Adam?"

"I like you. You're a good person." I can feel my heart swell with affection.

"I like you too, Adam. Now go to sleep." _Understatement_, my mind growls at me. But that will have to wait until he knows who I am. For now all I can do is hope he does.

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_A/N: Hi, guys! First Lawrence POV fanservice chapter. I know I may have over emphasized Adam's innocence in this one but I'm trying to really hit it home how much of himself he lost from that last encounter with Jigsaw. Also notice how I'm using the name Adam more? XD I'm getting more comfortable with it being the character's name and separating it from my stupid brother XP. Still makes my skin crawl sometimes. -twitches-_


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